Happy Birthday Jesse!
Today Jesse turned 5! Hard to believe! He was a little under the weather today and I'm hoping that's why he didn't seem very excited about his birthday. As the day went on, he just didn't seem to care that it was his special day, so I started to think....maybe I can't inspire that in him.
I mean, I wasn't there the day he was born...I wasn't aware of him on the day he was born....I don't have a story about the day he was born....maybe he can sense all that? Maybe he feels the difference between his gotacha day celebrations and his birthday celebrations. Maybe he knows that no matter how hard I try and no matter how much I love him, I have no real connection to the day he was born. I celebrate it with love and enthusiasm....but with no real connection. Am I ruining his birthday forever? Will he never feel it's a great special day? Is this just his personality - the same thing the keeps him from getting attached to any one particular toy, sport, blanket, shirt..... I mean I'd be really worried if he wasn't so bonded to us, so I know there are no issues there. But it's just stuff....he doesn't seem to treasure anything in particular - including his birthday.
Now he is not learning this by example. I happen to think my birthday is one of the best days ever - not only does it have a nice ring to the date, but also I have a purple birthstone, a cool zodiac sign, and I was born the year of the Dragon! I celebrate with gusto every year and take in all the birthday wishes (thank you Facebook for making it even more awesome)! What can I say - I like being alive and I love my birthday. Jesse...not so much. Don't most kids love their birthdays?
Anyway - today I celebrated the best way I knew how. I told him how special he is, how much I love him and how grateful I am that he was born. I showered him with hugs and kisses (as many as he would grant me) and let him eat Red Velvet cake for breakfast. We didn't talk too much about his birthmom but I thought of her often and hope that 5 years later she is able to celebrate today as well.
I mean, I wasn't there the day he was born...I wasn't aware of him on the day he was born....I don't have a story about the day he was born....maybe he can sense all that? Maybe he feels the difference between his gotacha day celebrations and his birthday celebrations. Maybe he knows that no matter how hard I try and no matter how much I love him, I have no real connection to the day he was born. I celebrate it with love and enthusiasm....but with no real connection. Am I ruining his birthday forever? Will he never feel it's a great special day? Is this just his personality - the same thing the keeps him from getting attached to any one particular toy, sport, blanket, shirt..... I mean I'd be really worried if he wasn't so bonded to us, so I know there are no issues there. But it's just stuff....he doesn't seem to treasure anything in particular - including his birthday.
Now he is not learning this by example. I happen to think my birthday is one of the best days ever - not only does it have a nice ring to the date, but also I have a purple birthstone, a cool zodiac sign, and I was born the year of the Dragon! I celebrate with gusto every year and take in all the birthday wishes (thank you Facebook for making it even more awesome)! What can I say - I like being alive and I love my birthday. Jesse...not so much. Don't most kids love their birthdays?
Anyway - today I celebrated the best way I knew how. I told him how special he is, how much I love him and how grateful I am that he was born. I showered him with hugs and kisses (as many as he would grant me) and let him eat Red Velvet cake for breakfast. We didn't talk too much about his birthmom but I thought of her often and hope that 5 years later she is able to celebrate today as well.
posted by Hannah | 10:47 PM
2 Comments:
I wouldn't worry about it, I'm not a huge celebrator and I think I turned out just fine ;)
Just think if he didn't get to have you as parents to help him celebrate his birthday! You are playing a VERY important role by you celebrating with him and reminding him of how special he is. The first birthday our daughter ever got to celebrate was her 14th one. And she was SO excited since they never did anything for them at the orphanage. In fact, she almost started choking up when everyone sang, "Happy Birthday" to her for the first time in her life. And you gotta know our daughter, she does NOT get choked up about anything! So, whether he realizes right now how special it is or not, it's a lot better than if he had never had that opportunity. You're a great mama and I'm SO glad that he has you!
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