Tomorrow

Well tomorrow we welcome a social worker into our house and ask her to deem it safe and secure for a new child to enter. Weird, huh? I wish all the crack whores has to go through this kind of process before having children - or those people (I won't even pretend to know who they are) who throw their babies away in dumpsters....why doesn't anyone go look at their house? Ask them questions about social issues and health. They don't have collect letters from doctors, banks, friends, family, co-worker, and so on before being able to welcome a baby into their home.

I don't know what to expect tomorrow - I'm not sure what kind of questions she'll ask or if she'll tour the house and peek under cabinets. I know it's all part of the process, but as if going through infertility treatments didn't seem remoralizing enough now we must seek permission to have a second child. I'm feeling anxious and probably nervous which is transforming into bitterness and humiliation. By the time we bring home our new child all this will be so far in the past I probably won't even remember but for now it's frustrating.

After tomorrow I'll start my hunt for dossier documents. I thought I'd be doing it the past few weeks, but so much else has been doing on and every time I look at the list it seems more and more impossible to complete. But at least I know that is the final stage of paperwork and really the last thing we have to actively do towards this adoption - besides traveling to Thailand.

Time to finish our cleaning. Wish us luck.