I've lost it

I'm in an awful mood. I'm angry and sad and bitter and anxious and annoyed and worst of all crying because I can't refold my cross-stitch properly. What that hell!!!!!?!?!?!? I've checked my email about sixty times today waiting to hear from the agency. It's been over a week since the reps returned from the Thailand visit and we still have heard nothing. Last inquiery was answered basically "we're sorting through information and all the families will be notified at once of the updates we have for them. That should be sometime late next week, please be patient." This was received last Friday - so it's been nearly a week since that went out. The wait is making it worse because I know I'll be upset now with anything less than something spectacular because of all the anticipation that has built up. I'm angry with the agency for taking so long, I'm angry that they don't seem to understand the power they hold in their hands and how important any shread of information is for us. There are several families waiting to hear updates about the specific children they have picked out to adopt - we however don't even have that. We have nothing and depend on the agency for anything that might resemble progress or hope.

I don't even know what to write, my head is going in so many directions. It's been a rough week all around and with waiting for this email on top of it, I think I've been pushed to the edge of reason. It should have been hopeful - we went downtown on Tuesday to attend a Thai Festival. We saw dancing and kickboxing and ate delicious food.....but it made me sad because I just want to be matched and travel and have my son home with me. I know he's out there somewhere and he needs his mommy, and it's just not right that he can't have that yet.