A down cycle

I'm afraid I'm starting a down cycle in my emotional journey. For some reason it's just been really hard to see people with their multiple kids (not like twins, but more than one kid in a family). I keep thinking - god, how easy it would be if I could just have another one. I've been feeling a lot of self pity these days about my medical issues - a whole bunch of WHY ME going on in my head. And I've been working out religiously on a new cardio and abdominal workout for the last 5 weeks and it doesn't seem to be showing on the scale. I know I've had a few days of self-indulgance but over all my eating habits have improved greatly over the last 6 months. I know losing weight will not solve my medical issues - I will not suddenly become a fertility machine dropping eggs like the Easter Bunny, but in my head I keep thinking MAYBE it'll help. I know there are people out there bigger than me who do not have my medical issues, who even have several successful pregnancies without effort - so again WHY ME.

I've also been reading some posts on my listserv about people waiting over 2 years just for the referral!!!!!!! Oh please let that not happen to us. I'm finding it hard to maintain my level of "expantant" parenthood and instead drifting back in my infertility sadness. It's a fine line, if you ask me. Plus, I've been having really bad hair days :(

silly rants from me - at a way-to-late point of the evening. There are no answers and no way to snap out of this - perhaps I'll just wake up happier tomorrow.