No words

There are no words I have to properly describe the emotions I felt last night. Sam and I finally worked up the courage to watch a documentary sent to us from our agency. A short movie made by one of the family during their visit in Thailand while going through the adoption process with the Thai Red Cross. We received it last Tuesday but it has taken me that long to really decide to watch it. I knew it would be powerful and it was. But it was also reassuring and heart breaking all at the same time. The documentary is about 15 minutes - made with a combination of live footage, still photos, and word graphics. It was made several years ago, so at least I wasn't searching the faces wondering about the children and which one might be mine. That would have been too much for me to handle and I probably never would have watch it.

As it was, it was hard to even imagine my child there - not because it was awful or miserable but just because I know my child it out there without me. If anything the footage made me feel better about not being there for him. All the children looked happy and very healthy. None of those rocking children or vacant stares. There was even some shots of a worker helping a baby learn to walk!!!!! There were shots of lunch (with plenty of extras around in case the children wanted more, I assume), a celebration that included what looked to be a birthday cake, and a toy room full of colorful toys of all sorts. There is even a climbing jungle gym in the court yard where the children play. I was brought to tears not only thinking about our son living there, but how lucky he is having found his way to the TRC instead of a smaller less fortunate orphanage. I'm sure I'll watch the video again - when times get hard or the waiting is making me crazy because overall it filled me a feeling of hope and goodness knowing my child is being taken care of.