The interesting world of International Adoption

Well, it's been nearly 6 months since we've been home and I must say life has been interesting. After waiting over 2 years for Jesse, I tried pretty hard to mentally prepare myself for life after he arrived home. Not just the issue of mothering 2 boys, or how Ian would react (which I ended up being totally wrong about) but for all the things an international adoption meant for our future. I've discovered that no matter how prepared you think you are - the reality is you've probably thought of all the wrong things. In the prep classes we were required to go to, we heard all the stories of rude strangers, constant questions, and loss of privacy - I mean everyone was going to look at us and see we adopted Jesse. I've written before about how I'd been getting ready to face the world and spread the gospel of adoption to the masses.....well, I haven't had to do that. Even when the four of us are together we hardly get a double take - and the boys are always referred to as brothers. Maybe as he gets older things will change - he'll go to school with people who didn't follow along with his journey - maybe his skin will darken and his ethnicity will be more obvious....maybe then we'll start with all the questions. But for now it's heartwarming and wonderful knowing we might not have to live our lives in a fish bowl - maybe the world has caught up to the internationally built family.

But I wasn't prepared for the way I'd have to consciously remember to talk about adoption. The way it melts into the background of our lives and we could go days without mentioning it, without talking about Thailand. I know eventually this will be normal but while Jesse is growing and learning I feel it should be a constant. I can SO understand how easily it must have been for those parents in the 50's and 60's (and even later) to simply not inform their domestically adopted children of their past. It's just not important now that he's home - he's mine and it feels like he always has been. I couldn't put two and two together before about how things happened back then, but now I completely understand. For Jesse, it's important and I will educate him the best I can - but it has turned out a little different than I expected.

On the other hand, which sort of contradicts my previous statements, it's hard to explain and teach the kids about history and religion at this point. We started celebrating Hanukkah and I've been reading the stories and history to the boys.....it's hard to wrap my head around saying "our people" because I'm not sure that's right. I mean Jesse will be raised Jewish - it will be a history we'll learn and hopefully embrace - but will they ever be his people? We also celebrated the King of Thailand's birthday this week. Knowing it's important to hold onto Jesse's culture, but how much of that will Ian be able to embrace? Maybe I'm going about parenting this all wrong - maybe I don't have the right grasp on everything yet. But I just wasn't prepared for these seconds guesses and thoughts......it's like I spent 2 years studying for the wrong test.

I don't even know if these ramblings make sense outside my head....but I felt the need to post about it. :)