What was I thinking?!?!?!?
Today I feel like a big old jackass! Like I committed a crime against my child by opening by stupid mouth and .......allow me to explain (if I can).
This morning was Jesse's first day of "school". He's signed up for a 2-3 year old class (without parent) at the Y. He's been so excited about school and he loved going into the classroom when we dropped Ian off during the year, so I didn't think we'd have a huge issue. He also knows a few of the other kids enrolled in the class. So, he packs up his snack bag and proudly carries around the house, into the car, and into the Y. So far so good....then we get down to his classroom and we all pile in. I notice he's clinging to Ian and then.....the fingers go in his mouth, and I knew we were in trouble. I coaxed him into the classroom and pulled Ian away - there goes Jesse's bottom lip. I give him a kiss - there goes the crocodile tears. I tell him to have a good class - there goes the cries for mommy. Now being a pre-school teacher at the Y, I know what works best - the parents just need to leave. I felt horrible and kept thinking during the whole 1.75 hours why his he acting this way. He's always fine when we drop Ian off or if he gets dropped off with Ian - it's only when he's left alone altogether that he has issues. But so do a lot of other 2 year olds......so why did I even mention adoption?!?!?!?
I'm so angry at myself - I've been reading a lot of blogs lately of my friends who have been going through some adjustment/attachment/grieving issues. I guess it was fresh on my mind that Jesse has never had an "adoption issues" that have really manifested in any significant ways. He was quick to bond, and adjust, he had a very short grieving period but it never effected his daily activities - just in the quiet moments of the day. So again, why would I think this was related....
When I went to pick Jesse up from class, I mentioned to the teacher (a younger girl not used to working with 2 year olds) that I wasn't sure if his separation issues were due to age or adoption. She was baffled and looked at him like he was from another planet. I immediately regretted by decision to bring it up. For some reason, there is never any assumption that Jesse is not biologically mine. It surprises me every time someone else is surprised, but it happens more often than not. So, why now should I point out something that makes him different, it's not like this recent college grad teacher knows how to handle adoption issues as opposed to regular issues. I've never defined Jesse by his adoption status - I never plan to......so why did I today? the way she looked at him, like being adopted was a contagious disease....I wanted to sweep him up in my arms and run away.
I know she's young, I know she's probably never been exposed to adoption before - I don't blame her....but what was I thinking?!?!?!?
This morning was Jesse's first day of "school". He's signed up for a 2-3 year old class (without parent) at the Y. He's been so excited about school and he loved going into the classroom when we dropped Ian off during the year, so I didn't think we'd have a huge issue. He also knows a few of the other kids enrolled in the class. So, he packs up his snack bag and proudly carries around the house, into the car, and into the Y. So far so good....then we get down to his classroom and we all pile in. I notice he's clinging to Ian and then.....the fingers go in his mouth, and I knew we were in trouble. I coaxed him into the classroom and pulled Ian away - there goes Jesse's bottom lip. I give him a kiss - there goes the crocodile tears. I tell him to have a good class - there goes the cries for mommy. Now being a pre-school teacher at the Y, I know what works best - the parents just need to leave. I felt horrible and kept thinking during the whole 1.75 hours why his he acting this way. He's always fine when we drop Ian off or if he gets dropped off with Ian - it's only when he's left alone altogether that he has issues. But so do a lot of other 2 year olds......so why did I even mention adoption?!?!?!?
I'm so angry at myself - I've been reading a lot of blogs lately of my friends who have been going through some adjustment/attachment/grieving issues. I guess it was fresh on my mind that Jesse has never had an "adoption issues" that have really manifested in any significant ways. He was quick to bond, and adjust, he had a very short grieving period but it never effected his daily activities - just in the quiet moments of the day. So again, why would I think this was related....
When I went to pick Jesse up from class, I mentioned to the teacher (a younger girl not used to working with 2 year olds) that I wasn't sure if his separation issues were due to age or adoption. She was baffled and looked at him like he was from another planet. I immediately regretted by decision to bring it up. For some reason, there is never any assumption that Jesse is not biologically mine. It surprises me every time someone else is surprised, but it happens more often than not. So, why now should I point out something that makes him different, it's not like this recent college grad teacher knows how to handle adoption issues as opposed to regular issues. I've never defined Jesse by his adoption status - I never plan to......so why did I today? the way she looked at him, like being adopted was a contagious disease....I wanted to sweep him up in my arms and run away.
I know she's young, I know she's probably never been exposed to adoption before - I don't blame her....but what was I thinking?!?!?!?
posted by Hannah | 5:15 PM
4 Comments:
You were just trying to protect your son - it was the Momma bear in you. Don't worry some day you'll back on it and laugh! Maybe you just threw her off track since people seem to think you look alike?
Don't beat yourself up and count your blessings that Jesse never had serious problems bonding...you are doing just great from all I've read in your blog.
H
I wouldn't worry about it. Now the teacher is exposed to adoption. Perhaps it'll broaden her horizons. Sounds like Jesse was acting like a normal two year old on his first day of preschool. Being a preschool teacher, I can honestly say it is quite common. I guess it's harder when you're the mom. Did he do better after the drop-off scenario? I always ask parents to give the kids at least a week or two to see how they're doing before judging whether or not they'll adjust.
By-the-way, love your new photos you posted! The boys look so cute in their uniforms.
hello thank you for sharing your experiences helps me think and prepare for our time and the different scenarios we might face :)
Ohhh and the boys are soooo cute in their little sports outfits and with their school bags as big as them.
Gem x
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