Back off!

That's how I've been feeling lately - Back off, people! For really no good reason except that everything is exploding inside my head. The past few weeks have been really hard for me because time keep slipping away. At this very moment a family is over in Thailand getting ready to bring home their son. A son that is at the Thai Red Cross. I'm happy for them but it's bittersweet because they received their referral in November when our agency returned from the trip. We should have gotten our referral then too - but we didn't. We should have been traveling and spending the last few weeks of March in Thailand - but we aren't. And I think I'm starting to not be handling all this so well. Wednesday is Ian's 4th birthday, it is also the last March board meeting in Thailand. I don't know if I've ever explained this part of the process but basically there is a board of people who meet and discuss all the adoptions going on in Thailand. This topic is discussed every other Wednesday - half the day for approvals and travel assignments, and half the day for those who are in the country ready to get approval to leave. So basically there is only half a day every other Wednesday that we are able to receive an invite to travel. If our file is not presented this Wednesday then our chances of traveling in April have all but vanished. It's really hard for me to get my head around. We had so many set backs and delays and Jesse has gone from this 6 month old little baby (when we were first matched) to now approaching 13 months old. By the time we travel he could be nearly 16 months old. Needless to say I have not been a pleasant person this past week. Along with having to plan Ian's birthday party (which was today and fabulous) I've been a little hard to be around. Poor Ian has received a large portion of my exploding head.

We were so ready for April. April seemed so far away - like it couldn't possibly actually take that long - not way back in August when we first heard of our match. Not back when we were suppose to get our referral in October or November. But we didn't. I still thought April was a strong possibility - I really believed in it. Now I'm lost and I don't know what to believe.