Reality Check

This post has little to do with adoption and a lot to do with family. I just heard (literally like 15 minutes ago) that my grandfather passed away. I can't honestly say he was a strong presence in my life - for a lot of reasons, mostly personality differences and location, but it still makes me sad. I'm sad for my aunt and my dad because they no longer have their parents around, sad for me and my sisters because we have no natural grandparents left in our lives, sad that there won't be any more 4 generation pictures taken, and sad because it has made me realize one day I too will lose my dad, and Ian and Jesse theirs.

I haven't had a lot of experience with death - a little hard to believe since I'm 31 years old. 2 of my grandparents were gone before I was born, and my Bubbie (my grandmother) passed away 5 years ago. I still carry her obituary in my wallet - I have no idea why. I'm scared of death - I'm scared of losing those around me and everything coming to and end. I'm scared to leave my children (even if they are adults at the time) and I'm scared to ever have to live a day without Sam. A little crazy and immature, huh? Self indulgent and naive?

Even if we weren't close or talk on the phone all the time, I love my Grandpa and will remember him always.