What to say....

The past week has been great. I'm not sure where the vibe is coming from exactly because Ian was sick yesterday and I know on Tuesday I was pulling my hair out - but overall there is a good vibe going on. The last few days I have been looking at Jesse with pride and honor. The same way I did when Ian was first born - how lucky I am to be his mother. How lucky I am to have been trusted to raise Jesse and love him. He makes me smile at the weirdest times and it's the warmest smile from the deepest part of me.

One of the main social workers from the TRC is in Seattle this weekend. She's attending the Thai Family Reunion and getting to spend some time with our agency. I was able to send her a personal letter, through our agency, and some pictures of Jesse. I've been wanting to do this for some time - to express the emotions I feel towards the TRC and all they did for him, the love and devotion they showed him....giving him a great foundation during his first year of life. I've also been thinking of writing his birthmother a letter.

When I look into his eyes, they are her eyes...and I can't help but want to reach out to her. But how do I begin to thank this woman, this girl, really, and thank her for being brave and thank her for my son and still be respectful of the pain she must have felt. The love I know she still feels for HER son - can she accept him as mine as well? I want to wrap my arms around her and praise her for having strength beyond anything I can comprehend, and let her know her baby (our baby) is safe and loved and treasured. I want her to know that even though we have never met, and probably never will, I love her on a level I've never loved anyone else - and I don't even really know what that means. She holds a special place in my heart and I will carve a place in Jesse's heart just for her. I just don't know if there are words for the gift she has given us - the joy she has created....the peace she has provided....the puzzle she has completed.