10 months old

Yesturday was Baby Listopad's 10 month-a-versary. It made me sad to think so much time is passing and we still don't seem to be any closer to bringing him home. It's been over a month since the agency's visit - which I know they said another 6 weeks for the referral. But him going from 9 months old to 10 months old and knowing that there will still be many months before I can hold him is starting to bring me down.

I just keep thinking about this little guy out there - not even knowing I exsist - not even knowing that I think about him everyday and already care about him so much. He's so little and now more than anything he needs me, his mother - he needs hugs and snuggles and stories and songs and all those things I can't give him right now.

I know everything will change over night - one day we'll just get the call and we'll have his paperwork and then again we'll get a call about traveling. But overnight seems so far away right now. I just want to get on a plane and go to him.

I feel like I want to start making plans. Start looking through Ian's old clothes, start looking at strollers, start rearranging the bedroom and the dresser drawers - all the things to make room for number 2. But at the same time, I think how silly I am. We don't even have the referral yet! It's a mixed bag of emotions running through me at the moment. I never know which one will pop up.