Maybe tomorrow
I've slipped into a mentality that I think is common of those expecting something. Waiting for something to happen that is beyond their control - for me, I recognize this behavior from my treatment days. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next time, maybe this time.....For those who are Cubs fans it's always - "Maybe this year" that turns into "there's always next year". For me I've been living each day hoping for a phone call. Hoping today's the day when everything I often feel will never happen will happen. The day the impossible becomes possible and my life will be propelled into a new direction. But by the end of the day, I only remember that fact that the phone didn't ring, my life has not changed directions, and I can start all over again tomorrow.
I've been trying the art of positive thinking - the idea that if you sent out the vibes into the universe, the universe will answer you. It hasn't been working. Does this mean the universe doesn't like me? Can't hear me? Is ignoring me?
My days are blending together and my normally sharp mind is slipping. I often forget what day it is - what I have planned - where I need to be. I look at my calendar about 30% more than normal just to remind myself of what's happening in my life. I've already lost 2 years of my life trying to conceive a baby - I don't want to fall into that pattern again while I'm waiting to bring home my baby.
I've been trying the art of positive thinking - the idea that if you sent out the vibes into the universe, the universe will answer you. It hasn't been working. Does this mean the universe doesn't like me? Can't hear me? Is ignoring me?
My days are blending together and my normally sharp mind is slipping. I often forget what day it is - what I have planned - where I need to be. I look at my calendar about 30% more than normal just to remind myself of what's happening in my life. I've already lost 2 years of my life trying to conceive a baby - I don't want to fall into that pattern again while I'm waiting to bring home my baby.
posted by Hannah | 10:07 PM
2 Comments:
Keep holding on, Hannah. You want both your babies to have the best mom possible, which starts with you being the best person possible. So do what makes you happy, what makes you feel fulfilled. I know how hard it is not to just sit and watch the clock and try to force time to move faster. But you're right, you'll be wasting a precious part of your life, even if that part doesn't seem so precious now. When I think of where things were when I started reading this blog last summer, compared to where you are now...hang in there. It'll happen.
Positive thinking can be more difficult in thinking the worst case scenario. But keep trying - you know you *will* have him, so there is that.
Post a Comment
<< Home