Meow
I am a big scaredy cat! I am starting to have all these thoughts creep into my head causing me great fear about the final stages of this process.
What if we forget a vital piece of paperwork - or fill something out wrong?
What if we forget where we have to be and when?
What if we pick a hotel that ends up sucking?
What if Jesse doesn't like us?
I know "what ifs" aren't healthy, but this is crazy stressful and we haven't even gotten permission to travel yet! I've never traveled anywhere that I didn't speak the language. I've only ever traveled outside the country by airplane once (to New Zealand - where they speak English!!!!). Otherwise my travel experience is limited to the lower 48 states (and probably really only about 20 of them), Canada, and a Carribbean cruise. Not even Mexico - not even New Mexico!
I've discovered I have a fear of the unknown. I have no idea when this fear set in - I don't remember living my life afraid. Cautious, yes, but never afraid. I even hit the road once for an entire week with 2 friends - our mission: circle the midwest in one week. We did it. We got lost in ever city we entered, but we always found our way to the next stop. All this before cell phones and mapquest. When did I lose that? Is it part of growing up? Becoming a parent? Becoming too comfortable in my life? Now isn't that something to be afaid of - being too comfortable?
I know I will travel - I know I will survive - and I know Jesse will be home with us in the end. It doesn't mean I won't need some sort of medication to make it through it all.
What if we forget a vital piece of paperwork - or fill something out wrong?
What if we forget where we have to be and when?
What if we pick a hotel that ends up sucking?
What if Jesse doesn't like us?
I know "what ifs" aren't healthy, but this is crazy stressful and we haven't even gotten permission to travel yet! I've never traveled anywhere that I didn't speak the language. I've only ever traveled outside the country by airplane once (to New Zealand - where they speak English!!!!). Otherwise my travel experience is limited to the lower 48 states (and probably really only about 20 of them), Canada, and a Carribbean cruise. Not even Mexico - not even New Mexico!
I've discovered I have a fear of the unknown. I have no idea when this fear set in - I don't remember living my life afraid. Cautious, yes, but never afraid. I even hit the road once for an entire week with 2 friends - our mission: circle the midwest in one week. We did it. We got lost in ever city we entered, but we always found our way to the next stop. All this before cell phones and mapquest. When did I lose that? Is it part of growing up? Becoming a parent? Becoming too comfortable in my life? Now isn't that something to be afaid of - being too comfortable?
I know I will travel - I know I will survive - and I know Jesse will be home with us in the end. It doesn't mean I won't need some sort of medication to make it through it all.
posted by Hannah | 10:43 PM
4 Comments:
Hey a little valium may help.
I think you need to watch more episodes of the Amazing Race.
You are headed to on country with lots of instruction and a cell phone call or email to Andrea and all the help you need. Someone there has to speak English. Its not like you are going to have to prove yourselves by doing a Road block or Dettour.
If anybody in this family could go through what you have a still be mentally stable it is you and Sam.
I know you can do it. Its just a little longer. I can't wait to hear that you are going to travel.
And if Jesse doesn't like you to bad that is what parenting is all about he'll get over it.
I still love you.
Positive thoughts and he will be home before you know it.
love you
me
Hi Hannah,
We are a Holt family waiting to travel to get our little girl who is currently in foster care. I've been following your blog as you've been awaiting TA and hope that it comes for you very soon!! I must admit that your blog today struck a cord with me b/c I was writing the VERY SAME thing to a good friend via email. I told her how I have been stressing about what size clothes my daughter will wear and if the shoes we bought will fit and what if we don't mesh personality wise and what if (gasp) she doesn't like us and refuses our love?? I think it really boils down to there is nothing right now that we can control so we have to worry about something right? My best friend wondered why I was so obsessive about clothes for the baby and after much thought I told her it was really because it is something concrete that I can control b/c everything else is out of my hands. Maybe it's the same for you?
Please don't worry about traveling abroad. We have done so extensively and as anxious as you might be (as we will be in a new place!) you learn quickly that a genuine smile goes a very, very long way when communication breaks down. My advice to you (not that you are asking:) would be to empower yourself with a few words and key phrases and leave the rest to a kind smile.
If you are interested in reading our family's journey we are at
www.intoourheart.blogspot.com.
I look forward to reading very soon your headline of TA!!!
April
New mexico isn't that great - and everyone there speaks English :-)
Seriously though, if you didn't have any anxiety I'd be worried for you. Of course you have alot of "what ifs" going through your head - you are adding to your family! Every piece of this is new territory for you...
I can't wait to hear more about the journey. Does this post mean you have a date of travel?
Hey, it's Serena. I've got fingers crossed for you. One of the best tips I got, from the tour driver when I was in Europe, was get a business card for the hotel you're staying in. If worse comes to worse, and you're hopelessly lost, you can always hail a cab, give them the card, and they can at least get you to the hotel (where presumably someone will speak English!). BTW, if you need the bathroom, we discovered the dance little kids do is universally understood! :)
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