The Adoption Option

My spot for thoughts, feelings, rambles, and updates as we journey through the adoption process. Highlights: Dossier arrived in Thailand ~ Sept 26, 2005; Approved ~ October, 2005; Matched ~ August, 2006; Referral received ~ January 2007; Traveled & Home ~ June, 2007; Finalized!! ~ December, 2007

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Back to basics

Well, many of you know I managed to escape for several days for some me time. I went away (yup, took a plane and everything) and didn't have to worry about pick-up times, snacks, bathroom breaks, shoes being on the right feet, or helping anyone but myself order food. It was wonderful. I never had anywhere special I had to be - I mostly tagged along with my host and spaced out. It's been a long time since I've lived stress free and I can't honestly say I was itching to come home. I know that must sound horrible, but really I didn't realize how much stress and tension I was dealing with everyday until it all just went away. But I also took the time to do a lot of soul searching and discovered a lot of things that need to change in my life.

I need to take time for me (not like alone time running to the grocery store) but not feeling guilty time. Like checking Jesse into the nursery so I can work out (I know he doesn't really like it there and that means a morning away from Bubbie). I miss feeling strong - feeling like I accomplished something. I hate the before/after of working out - getting into workout clothes and then having to make time to shower and change later......which is why it's so very easy to convince me not to do it. But I need to work it back into my schedule.

I also realized that parenting has built up a lot more stress in my than I realized. Not like everyday things - stressed about being on time, snacks, clothes.....but just over the course of 6 years....the stress of making sure these little boys will turn into proper men. Teaching them to behave, follow the rules, look both ways, not be bullies but be nice to people, try new foods, please/thank yous, love each other and others, don't eat cookies for breakfast....the list goes on. In the course of those 6 years, I know my responsibilities of being a parents but somewhere I lost the idea that this was also suppose to be fun. It's okay to be a little loud, it's okay to eat a cookie before lunch, it's okay to sit back and relax and breath a bit. So I'm going to work on bringing the fun back.

I'm also still trying to purge my physical space. The house is still a mess - which after returning home I discovered puts me in an instant foul mood. I'm working on changing my own habits, so I can help my boys (all of them) change theirs. But I can't get mad at them for something I struggle with as well. I know once my environment makes me feel more peaceful, other things will fall into place - or at least my head will be more clear to figure it all out.

And the proud parent I present a video of Ian reading!?!?!?!?!? He's teacher assured us last Fall this would happen - I just didn't believe her. But sure enough, Ian is a reader - and personally I think he's pretty good :)