Starting off the New Year

I've been meaning to post for awhile now but it's hard to sit down and just do it. Especially with the things that have been on my mind lately. Sometimes it seems better to just ignore your thoughts and push through the day.

The year started off with the news of a friend losing her husband. Attending a funeral is hard enough, attending one of a 52 year old father of 2 is worse. And the fact that he went from healthy to sick to gone in a matter of weeks makes the whole thing so wrong. I never really knew this man. I'd seen him in passing, dropping off his wife for group lunches and what not. A wave here or there - nothing more. I do know his wife and his sons, and I adore them. There is no one in this world that deserves this less. But you can't sit through a service like that and not reflect on your own life and loved ones.

What would it be like for my sons to sit through a service like that? What would it be like for me to have to say good-bye to my husband? Especially so many years before it was suppose to happen. What if they had to say good-bye to me? And of course the worse case, who would raise my boys if something were to happen to both of us? I hate the idea of someone else taking care of my children. Someone else deciding if their behavior deserves praise or punishment. Would another person give Jesse enough kisses? Let Ian keep his hair long?

I've never been comfortable with death - mine or anyone else's. I just hate the idea of going on as usual when a piece if missing. I know people who have passed away. I know people who living without a very dear love one.....but it doesn't make it sit any better with me. Is there any way to get over it?

I don't really have any major revelations about the subject. It's just something I've been thinking about lately.