Hello my friend

Hello my blog, my old buddy. I've been very neglectful. Mostly because I'm always so aware of what I write on here will be read by other people. When things get bad or something is going on inside my head, I think about writing it down....but then I get self conscious. A friend, I'll call her Swifty, has the most amazing blog. She pours out her feelings and her emotions for everyone to see. It's an honor to read it. So, why can't I do it?

I think it's because I'm afraid of a few things. Afraid of hurting someone's feelings...afraid of admitting I'm selfish and possible immature....afraid of being judged.

So while I grappled with the idea of getting more personal on this thing - I will fill everyone in on other stuff.

This Summer has been hard. I got very used to having some alone time during the week when the kids were in school and to have that taken away was an adjustment. I was hoping to pick up some hours at the Y doing office work, but that never happened - so cash flow has been a bit stressful since I have been unsuccessful in curbing some of my spending habits. I'm still thinking about venturing out in the real world and looking for work, but I enjoy the Y. I like the people and the benefits - I'm just trying to figure out where I may fit in now. So far there have been no plans made for Fall hours - so everything is up in the air still. The other problem with venturing out is child care. I don't think people are very open to hiring someone who is available from 9:30-noon on Tues and Thurs. :P

I had a very nice meeting with a wedding planner who seemed really excited about my personalized greeting cards. So far nothing. I know they are not the cup-of-tea for everyone but I think I could make some cute shower invites or save-the-date cards.....any one interested? I'll give you a good deal! So, do I try to market on my own and really start this thing? How do I get started? Would people be interested? I did order some business cards, design a logo, and set up a price list......it was a really fun week thinking that all this was about to take off. Feels kinda silly now.

Ian and I are butting heads. I want to teach him and guide him through life. He thinks he knows all there is to know. He's constantly talking back, not listening to instructions, and being plain snotty! I'm getting worn very thin which makes me crabby and snappy and we end up going in circles! It's no fun at all. He's growing up so fast and I know there will soon be a time he won't listen to me at ALL - I was just hoping it wouldn't be as early as 6 years old!

It hasn't been all bad. Ian joined the Y swim team and competed all summer. He's got a scrapbook full of ribbons already and really loves it. He's made friends (some good some bad) and is looking forward to swimming in the Fall/Winter/Spring season as well. It's a big commitment with practices but I think it's really good for him. He's so much more proud of himself now than he was during his soccer seasons. He can see the results and even if he doesn't win the race - he may still have beaten his old times which makes him happy.

Jesse is a character. He loves to listen to books and both boys completed the library's summer reading program. He found out today he gets to meet his favorite author, Todd Parr, at a mall in a few weeks. We love Todd books and he was beaming from ear to ear with the idea of getting his autograph.

I find myself getting lonely at night. I want to call up some friends and go to dinner or to the mall. But I feel I don't have anyone to call. I feel like I'm the only one who NEEDS to escape and all the other people in the world are holding on just fine. Sometimes I think I'm about to fall off!

After spilling my guts (or most of them) I feel I should give you something cute and fuzzy to hold onto....so here are my children :) with my niece and nephew during out visit in Ohio.