tick tock tick tock

I feel like October has been the slowest month EVER!!!!! I finally had to break down and call the agency - it's pretty exhausting waking up every morning thinking today is the day. I called and spoke with Andrea, our program director, and she assured me her efforts to contact the TRC for an update were relentless. I believe her - I've obviously never met her, or even seen a picture, but there is just something about our conversations that I truly believe she's on our side. She informed me that her emails to the TRC on our behalf (and for the family ahead of us who's waiting to travel) have been unanswered, but she would not give up trying. She also mentioned her strong feelings regarding our referral and getting it to us. If we have not received anything in the mail by the agency's visit to Thailand next month, she was going to make it very clear to the TRC she planned on bringing it home with her. At least that puts a nice little deadline on our wait - but it's still another month away. She had not given up hope of us getting it sooner though, and that made me feel better.

Well - I received an email today from her that will definatley help take the edge off. The TRC social worker finally responded to Andrea's inquires and this is what we got:

"The nurse said that the medical assessment of the Listopad is almost done, I will send to you as soon as it finished."

How cute it that!!!!! First of all, it made me smile thinking of them labeling our son as "the Listopad" although I'm sure that's just a language barrier. But knowing that it won't be done tomorrow or even the next day makes me feel less anxious but there is still hope that possible next week - or before the end of October! I'm holding onto that, hoping that their definition of almost done is the same as mine - and that the parts that aren't done move along quickly.

Not bad for a mid-month update. At this point every little bit helps.

October

Well, October is finally here. We've officially been "expecting" for 12 months, but what seems even more unreal than that is the fact that it's so very possible by the end of this month we'll have our referral. The covetted referral - the one thing that has kept us going and hoping and dreaming all this months. On one had it seems to surreal that this might be coming to and end soon - all those interviews, all that paperwork, and all the waiting. BUT on the other hand it is all too real and I find myself taking deep breaths to calm the butterflies in my stomach. I can't fall asleep at night thinking about bunk beds or two beds? Will he need the crib? Am I expecting a toddler when actually he'll still be a baby? Really, we have no idea, he could currently be 10 months old or 22 months old! This image in my head is forever melding and rearranging itself as my thoughts wonder around in circles.

I'm actually going to be traveling to Thailand! How weird is that? I mean, it's what we've bee n working toward for the last 2 years but to have it be so real is so unreal. I just want my picture, I want to know my son and dream of him instead some imaginary boy in my head. I want to smile ear to ear, not only at the thought of him being out there but because I know who he is.

October will be rough - but not in the way I expected. I don't hang out waiting for the phone to ring but I do always have that little bit of hope that today might be the day (pathetic I know since it's only the 4th of the month). At least I'm always looking forward to tomorrow.