To advocate or not?

I'm starting to feel conflicted about our adoption story - who to tell, who to share details, who's ignorant anyway and it doesn't matter?

The other day while working out, myself and another lady were watching Oprah. It was not a pleasant topic - sexual abuse, but what made it worse was that a man actually went through the adoption process to bring home a sex slave. Gross! It was nearly 7 years ago (which doesn't sounds like a lot, but in terms of adoption law probably is) and through Russia - which has been known to have problems internally anyway - but still it was shameful that this took place. The lady working out with me was appalled. She started making minor comments about the adoption system and how would anyone let a single man adopt anyone? I felt like i should have spoken up - but would it have benefited anyone? I know once I bring my child home I will stand up to anyone (at least infront of my child). Should I feel obligated to stir the pot with practical strangers? Is it my job as a mother-to-be of an international adoptee to stand up for knowledge and educatate the world? I'm not sure that even after my family is all home and safe, that if I'm alone I will put myself out there like that. I want to belive I'm strong and powerful enough to argue and advocate but what if I'm really not?

Is making the decision to adoption internationally also making the decision to be the spokesperson for racial kindness and tolerance - and teacher of adoption 101? I don't mind answering questions, but should I offer answers when no question was asked? This will be with me for the rest of my life and I know each day will bring new challenges - I also know that I probably will feel stronger some days - more private others. So is there any answer to these questions?

Recommended reading

I'm reading this fabulous book that I wanted to share (if anyone is out there). It's called "a love like no other" and it's essays by famous writers about adoption. Personal essays dealing with everything from infant to older, domestic and international, foster care and family adoptions, and single-married-same sex parenting. It's amazing. Not all the stories are happy - which makes it so real and compelling. Some deal with really hard issues about attachment, divorce, guilt while others are about the joys and challenges of adoption (but in a good way). Each one that I've read so far has been really eye opening - not only for what I'll probably go through but what my friends will go through in their own adoption processes.

If you are interested in adoption, know someone who's adopting, or considering adoption I recommend this book 100%. When I'm done - I'm gonig to make Sam read it, then my mom. I might pass it on to my sisters next (probably Donna first because she actually might have time to read it on her commute) and my in-laws. I think it's a great way to help people understand some insider issues without stuffing articles and studies down their throats and without preaching to them. Hopefully this will answer a lot of questions before they are asked (and before they hurt any feelings).

Good news - for one family

Every Friday the director of the Thai program sends out an update. It's usually about the next board meeting and if any WACAP families have been invited to travel. There's usually updates about waiting children and people who have been matched with older children. However, this past week there was mention of a family going through the Thai Red Cross receiving a referral next month. It's not us - that's be a miracle (but I did email and ask anyway), but it's a nice feeling knowing that people are actually working through the TRC system and they do match kids with families. I was starting to wonder :)

I'm still in a good place regarding all this waiting stuff - I'm making progress on my cross stitch but still have no idea how to upload pictures. Maybe Sam can figure it out one of these days.

Crazy feelings

Someone very close to me passed away this week. He was the father of one of my best friends, and I've known him for about 15 years. I have not had many run ins with mortality, and believe me, I'm fine with that, but this one was close. I had just visited him in the hospital a week ago, he was suppose to come home. Of course, this leads to thoughts of my own parents. I'm glad I live close to them, but it also makes me realize how old they are getting. I started thinking of how it could all be over so quickly; which led to thoughts of my future child. Could something happen before he arrives? I was sad for the prospect of my unknown child to never know his Bubbie or Zeyde (grandma or grandpa), I found myself getting emotional. I wasn't sure if it was the thought of losing my parents, the feelings of loss for my "unborn" child, or just the events of the past few days all rolled up. I'm sad for my friend and her family, more than you can imagine - they are family to me. I'm ashamed of turning my emotions around to my own situation. And I'm a little embarassed that I think I love a child that as of this moment is little more than a dream.

A few months makes all the difference

With me being in a such a good mood latley, I've decided to start talking to Ian again about his new sibling. We had a quiet discussion before bed (which he now sleeps in a big boy bed! Very big deal) about how he's getting to be such a big boy and how sweet he is. I told him about his new sibling (which we've been referring to as a brother, so let's hope there are truths to those statistics) and about how he currently is in Thailand. Of course the series of WHYs came after that, but I actually think I'm pretty good at that game. I'm not afraid to tell him how it is - at a two year old level of course. He seemed to retain the part about his brother being in Thailand. Which is pretty cool, because when asked he can tell you this tid-bit of information.

I've also recently written an article for my chapter of RESOLVE. It's the first thing I've really written in a long time. The acting-editor said she really liked it, but....I'm so out of practice, and exposition was never my strong point. It's hard to remember a time when I considered myself a writer and I had ideas flowing from my fingertips into the wee hours of the night. That's alot about what I wrote about - how I'm not the person I used to be or the person I thought I'd be. It was very theaputic (sp?) to write about all the emotions I've carried around with me. It's was me being able to make peace with them (and myself) which allows me to really embrace this enitre adoption process.