A down cycle

I'm afraid I'm starting a down cycle in my emotional journey. For some reason it's just been really hard to see people with their multiple kids (not like twins, but more than one kid in a family). I keep thinking - god, how easy it would be if I could just have another one. I've been feeling a lot of self pity these days about my medical issues - a whole bunch of WHY ME going on in my head. And I've been working out religiously on a new cardio and abdominal workout for the last 5 weeks and it doesn't seem to be showing on the scale. I know I've had a few days of self-indulgance but over all my eating habits have improved greatly over the last 6 months. I know losing weight will not solve my medical issues - I will not suddenly become a fertility machine dropping eggs like the Easter Bunny, but in my head I keep thinking MAYBE it'll help. I know there are people out there bigger than me who do not have my medical issues, who even have several successful pregnancies without effort - so again WHY ME.

I've also been reading some posts on my listserv about people waiting over 2 years just for the referral!!!!!!! Oh please let that not happen to us. I'm finding it hard to maintain my level of "expantant" parenthood and instead drifting back in my infertility sadness. It's a fine line, if you ask me. Plus, I've been having really bad hair days :(

silly rants from me - at a way-to-late point of the evening. There are no answers and no way to snap out of this - perhaps I'll just wake up happier tomorrow.

more findings by me

I've finally gotten in touch with a Thai Cultural and Arts Center - it's in a south suburb of Chicago, which does make it a hike for us - but will probably be worth the journey on many occations. Not only do they host events and hows but they offer classes in music, dance, language, and performance martial arts. The last one is of great interest to me because of the prospect of having two boys. I don't care if they are in dance - I'd encourage that actually because I think dance is beautiful. But I know boys would enjoy martial arts - as I was saying in a previous post the Muay Thai boxing is one of the most popular and easily found forms of Thai martial arts in the US. So the fact that there would be a class that would teach cool moves with fun weapons in a purely performance manor sounds perfect to me. We saw some of this last summer at the Taste of Thailand and it was really great. We are hoping to go down and tour the facility and learn more about the programs in the near future. Anothing thing that will help us keep the Thai culture in the life of our child and our whole family.

I'm also nearly 1/10th of the way done with my big project. That doesn't sound like a lot - and it certainly doesn't look like a lot when I have the vastly white canvans infront of me, but it's a huge accomplishement and I can't wait till it's finished. Although at this pace, I hope I will not have time to finish before the baby comes home. :) That would suck.

Nothing much really

I've not posted lately because I've been in a bit of a funk. Not about the adoption, but just in general. Although I did recently realize that our flight to Thailand would cost us nearly twice what I had expected - simply because in order to upgrade with mile points you have to purchase a rather expensive class ticket to begin with. grrrrrrr - so frustrating. So once again my mind is whirling with money making ideas that will help bring our baby home. Anyone know Oprah or a millionaire or any generous sponsor who would love a Thai relative in their life?

Anyway - one great thing going on right now is the Olympics! I love the Olympics - they are one of my favorite things in the whole world (Summer and Winter). A lot of people don't know this about me, but I really do enjoy sports. I know my fabulous physical shape (hahahah) should give that away....but no, really - I'm a huge sports fan. I'm a great spectator and will sit down and watch nearly any sport. I especially like it when I can ask questions and learn more and understand what's really going on. So, while watching the opening ceremonies I was surprised to see 1 little athelete from Thailand. Of course he got to carry the flag :) Which made be dig deeper in the sport of Thai sports.

Turns out Thais have a pretty big turn out for the summer games - huge in boxing, that's where most of their medals come from. There is Muay Thai boxing - which is one of the most visicious sports I've ever seen. Talk about mortal combat - this sport is hard core, and I actually have a hard time watching it at all. But I do have good news on that later. There is also a sport calledSepak Takraw. It's a traditional sport kinda like volleyball - there is a net, two teams, and a ball. However the ball is made of ratan and the net is much lower - which is good because the players can only use their feet, legs, and head. I think it would be intersting to get to see a game while we are over there. I've also learned that Thais are really into English Premier League Soccer. I'm guessing this the David Beckham type soccer, but I haven't been able to research it yet.

New connections

I finally signed up for a yahoo group for families of Thai adoption. There are a lot of people who have completed their adoptions, a handful of us waiting it out, and what from I understand even some adoptees (although none of them have posted since I signed up). It's been really great. There are people from all over the world there and the discussion is about adoption, publicity, Thailand, the process - everything. The best part is that it's run by someone in the Chicagoland area!!! And someone contacted me directly who lives just a few burbs over. We are meeting for lunch on Thursday - she's bringing her daughter from Thailand who is 5. This is making everything so much more real and I'm so excited to learn about local resources and start connections with people that can be in our lives.

Last weekend during Chinese New Year, we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant. We saw a group of families with daughters from China all celebrating together. It was a wonderful picture, but at the same time made me very sad - thinking we could never have that community with out child. But now, we will at least have a few people we can contact and meet with that will help our child see they are not alone. It won't be the same as being in a large Chinese community with a large number of adoptees and cultural options, but at least he/she will not be the only one.

I also have plans to pick the brains of these women about what Chicago has to offer. I hope to learn a lot.