Agency Update - finally

After a week of going balistic and biting Sam's head off at ever chance, he called the agency and checked on where our update was. The response "oh, thanks for calling and reminding me I have to do that for you." WHAT?!?!?!?!? Then a few hours later I receive an email consisting of about 2 lines. Summed up: our status hasn't changed, wait times haven't changed. I was so pissed off I couldn't believe it. If you can get blown off over an email, that was certainly it. So me being me, I went straight to the source - the Director of all Asia programs and the woman who went on the trip. I layed it out about not feeling important and how I was hoping for more information in general and blah blah blah......the next day I received a very long email with lots of details that have brought peace back into my world.

She told us about the facility and how it's clean and very hospital like in the bedrooms but there are playrooms and an outside play area where the children spend most of their time. It's well staffed and not over crowded with kids. The main doctor is very dedicated and has worked there a long time and everyone seems very close to the children and cares a lot. All very nice things to hear when picturing your child in an institution.

She plans on touching base again with the director of the TRC Children's Home in August and hoping to get a more of an estimate for us on how our wait is looking. Our year anniversary is in October and we are not expecting anything before then and probably closer to the end of the year (hopefully not too long though). Feels good to feel normal again. At least for now. :)

I've lost it

I'm in an awful mood. I'm angry and sad and bitter and anxious and annoyed and worst of all crying because I can't refold my cross-stitch properly. What that hell!!!!!?!?!?!? I've checked my email about sixty times today waiting to hear from the agency. It's been over a week since the reps returned from the Thailand visit and we still have heard nothing. Last inquiery was answered basically "we're sorting through information and all the families will be notified at once of the updates we have for them. That should be sometime late next week, please be patient." This was received last Friday - so it's been nearly a week since that went out. The wait is making it worse because I know I'll be upset now with anything less than something spectacular because of all the anticipation that has built up. I'm angry with the agency for taking so long, I'm angry that they don't seem to understand the power they hold in their hands and how important any shread of information is for us. There are several families waiting to hear updates about the specific children they have picked out to adopt - we however don't even have that. We have nothing and depend on the agency for anything that might resemble progress or hope.

I don't even know what to write, my head is going in so many directions. It's been a rough week all around and with waiting for this email on top of it, I think I've been pushed to the edge of reason. It should have been hopeful - we went downtown on Tuesday to attend a Thai Festival. We saw dancing and kickboxing and ate delicious food.....but it made me sad because I just want to be matched and travel and have my son home with me. I know he's out there somewhere and he needs his mommy, and it's just not right that he can't have that yet.

June

After traveling and resettling I figured it's time for a monthly update. Not much to report. The agency is currently in Thailand and I'm anxious to hear what they are learning. However, I know I'll be crushed if they don't bring back any news specific to us. I know our 12 months is not up until October, but to have nothing from last October until we receive our referral - will just keep getting harder. I will take anything, even a "Yes, they are moving up in our pile of people to match" Any clue that we are still in the minds of the women who run the orphanage.

I'm getting tired of answering the same questions over and over again. Yes, I'm pretty sure we will NOT be getting a girl. How many times do I have to repeat myself - to the same people!!!! Random venting. It's not like I'm opposed to a girl, but I'm staying realistic here. With all the other variables and things I need to stay focused on, hoping for the gods to send me a girl seems like a waste of hope. How about hoping for a speedy match, a healthy child, a fast travel invite....all those things seem so much more important.