No words

There are no words I have to properly describe the emotions I felt last night. Sam and I finally worked up the courage to watch a documentary sent to us from our agency. A short movie made by one of the family during their visit in Thailand while going through the adoption process with the Thai Red Cross. We received it last Tuesday but it has taken me that long to really decide to watch it. I knew it would be powerful and it was. But it was also reassuring and heart breaking all at the same time. The documentary is about 15 minutes - made with a combination of live footage, still photos, and word graphics. It was made several years ago, so at least I wasn't searching the faces wondering about the children and which one might be mine. That would have been too much for me to handle and I probably never would have watch it.

As it was, it was hard to even imagine my child there - not because it was awful or miserable but just because I know my child it out there without me. If anything the footage made me feel better about not being there for him. All the children looked happy and very healthy. None of those rocking children or vacant stares. There was even some shots of a worker helping a baby learn to walk!!!!! There were shots of lunch (with plenty of extras around in case the children wanted more, I assume), a celebration that included what looked to be a birthday cake, and a toy room full of colorful toys of all sorts. There is even a climbing jungle gym in the court yard where the children play. I was brought to tears not only thinking about our son living there, but how lucky he is having found his way to the TRC instead of a smaller less fortunate orphanage. I'm sure I'll watch the video again - when times get hard or the waiting is making me crazy because overall it filled me a feeling of hope and goodness knowing my child is being taken care of.

New book for Ian

I special ordered a book about Thailand for Ian and it just came in. It's super cute and will probably hold his attention until he's about 5 or 6. Some of the chapters are little boring for him now, but he enjoyed hearing about the rice fields and the mountains. Tonight we may try to food chapter since he's eaten Thai food before. The pictures are wonderful and he's enjoying those. There is even one of two little boys - so he can start to visualize his brother.

I keep getting connections to the month of August. I'm hoping it's a omen or something and good things will take place in August. Maybe it's our son's birthmonth - and he'll be turning 1. Maybe we'll get our referral (yeah, right) or maybe it just means we'll get a really great update. But things keep coming back to August.

Ian has accomplished another milestone and now used the potty ALL THE TIME! For EVERYTHING :) So, his reward is getting to go to the kiddy amuesment park. He asked if his brother could come too. Breaks my heart to see that he understands but at the same time really doesn't.

A stranger among us :)

Okay - not to sound creepy but WOW someone found my blog doing a web search and is now reading it!!!!! How exciting/cool is that! I don't have very many profound things to say and I'm no expert on Thai adoption but I am in the thick of things, so hopefully that'll help. Please feel free to ask any questions and I love getting comments :)

Yes, I'm a dork, but it's nice to know there are people out there reading this thing - not just Jenny who's printing it out for me.

July

Wow, sometimes I can't believe it's the middle of July and others I think jeez when is this month going to end!!!!! I think I'm safe in saying my down cycle has passed for the time being - my spirits are back up and the tears are no longer flowing, although that could change at any time. Hey, shouldn't I have some of the same rights as the other expectant mothers I know? I've been busy planning a baby shower, watching Ian ride his new bike, waiting for my mother to return from her summer vacation, and just trying to keep myself busy - that way time goes faster.

I don't really have anything to say, just thought I'd give an update. The other blogs I read seem to be so witty and entertaining - but this is all I got. :) I was excited to see a comment! FINALLY! :) Thanks Jen.