Where has all the time gone?

I can't believe it is nearly October. You'd never guess by the weather we are having here but I think it's going to break into more Fall like temps tomorrow. Anyway - we've been so busy with school, work, meetings, gatherings, outings, and holidays I can't believe I haven't posted in so long.

Jesse celebrated his first Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, which were rather uneventful and marked with dinners at Bubbie and Zayde's house. Unfortunately we still have not gotten around to joining a temple.....another thing on my to-do list.

We had our court date, which has allowed the paper pushing to start toward the finalization of the adoption. It's beyond words to think of it being finalized - while at the same it already seems so final. It's a strange in between and it's hard to explain. I know he's mine so the court dates seemed like no big deal - but at the same time it's a huge deal and was very exciting. I told you - hard to explain.

We went Apple Picking and to the Jelly Belly Factory tour (which is actually a tour around the warehouse that shows you videos of bean production - all while sitting on a cute little train wearing a silly paper hat). It was a very warm day and it made apple picking not so much fun. But we did get a lot of yummy apples to eat.

Ian went to the dentist for a cleaning - no cavities and he was a perfect patient. He didn't squirm, cry, or resist. I was super proud. I also went to the dentist for a cleaning and have no cavities to report :)

Jesse went swimming for the first time (with us) and seemed to really love it. He's come a long way from the kid who screamed and wouldn't sit down in the bathtub. Ian has made huge progress in his lessons and can swim short distances with no assistance (again, so proud).

Although I still feel a little out of sorts with my routine, and being so busy, and having a hard time cooking dinner....I'm also feeling really happy these days. I hope I didn't just jinx myself :)

The good with the bad

Well - this was going to be a happy post but my heart is being far overshadowed by what I would consider a set-back. First the happy news : we are going to court on Thursday to start our finalization process. It's not official because we still need to wait for approval from Thailand to actually finalize but this will start the process in the courts. Hopefully our approval from Thailand will arrive just before the courts have processed the paperwork (since we are almost 2/3 done with our post placements visits - next one is scheduled for October 3rd) and everything will be finalized in 6 months. From what I understand the actually court date is a big deal to us, but not like you see on TV. No special stuffed animals or balloons, no photos with the judge....but to us it's a huge deal - so maybe we'll have ice cream for lunch or something to celebrate! :)

On the other hand - I was wrong about Ian. I don't think he's adjusting as well as I thought last week and apparently it was all an act so I'd let my guard down. Okay - do I really think my 4 year old it that cunning? I would hope not, but it certainly feels like I've been duped. He's currently in his room being punished for hitting and throwing things at Sam. What makes the entire situation worse is when we try to reason with him and talk to him he laughs at us....until we actually put him on his bed and close the door - the he wails! Not cries - WAILS. I no longer know what to do. He has decided to ignore every rule every established and is apparently suffering a severe hearing loss - because we need to tell him to stop 3 times before he even reacts (take note, I did not say stops). I feel like I'm failing him but I don't know what else to do - he often puts me out on a very thin limb.....

I read an article once that talked about how far can you really go when blaming things on adoption - meaning when a child who was adopted as an infant can't make friends is that really because he was adopted? Trust me the examples were pretty extreme but now I'm wondering....did I do this to Ian? Did I cause him such pain and emotional upset by bringing Jesse home? Or is this just normal 4.5 year old behavior? Sounds like a chicken/egg problem. I just wish I could figure it all out.

Ian Dancing

Hi Everyone its Sam again (now using my own account ;) )

Here is a video of Ian showing off his moves at the wedding Hannah was talking about.

So much to say

Well - I've been meaning to post for a few days and now I have a bunch of little things to talk about. One is a great conversation I had with Ian. And please remember - HE'S 4!!!!!!!

Ian: Mommy - am I Thai?
Me: No, you're not Thai.
I: But Jesse is.
M: Yes, Jesse is Thai, that's right.
I: So what am I?
M: You're American.
I: So did you go to American to get me?
M: No, honey, you grew in my tummy.
I: How'd I get in your tummy?
M: Well, Mommy and Daddy went to see a special doctor who helped mommy get pregnant.
I: Did he put me in your tummy?
M: Not exactly.
I: So, how'd-I-get-in-your-tummy?
M: It's a mommy and daddy thing.
*enter cute thing done by Jesse and the conversation is over*

In that moment, I actually wished I had gone through IVF, so I could have said "Yes, yes that doctor did put you in my tummy." :)

This past weekend we attended a wedding. Someone Sam works, and we have become friends with them both. Ian has been practicing his dance moves for the big day. He has great moves - I'll have Sam upload a video, and was so happy when the music started. he was out there pulling out all the stops - and I saw the people smiling and clapping for him...it filled my heart with such joy. As often as I feel I don't do him justice as a parent....he's a great kid. One people like and find adorable. I was a very proud mama :)

The past few weeks have been amazing. Ian has returned from his angry place and I've really noticed his personality returning to "normal". It was subtle at first but now I see he's smiling more again, laughing more again, and just enjoying life again. He's taken to his role as big brother and has turned a gentle more loving corner with Jesse. Everyone keeps asking how Jesse has adjusted and how his transition has been - I always think to myself, a piece of cake compared to Ian's. But my boy is a great trooper and stuck it out to find his light at the end of the tunnel. He's comfortable in his new life which makes me so proud.

As much as I love the little boys they are - I realize I'm really looking forward to seeing the men they grow up to be.