Update from agency

Well - all my waiting has finally come to and end. Yesterday we received an update from our agency, although not the one we were hoping for. We received some good news and some bad news. The bad news: our referral was not brought home and it's not expected to arrive for another 6 weeks. I'm glad I waited 24 hours before writing this because yesterday this seemed like the worst news ever. I was in tears and really torn up about it, and I am still having some emotional uneasiness but I think that's because whatever I was living on to get me through this past week evaporated from my body yesterday - leaving me exhausted and raw.

Anyway - good news: We found out our sons birthday!!!!! We was born on Feb. 24, 2006! Yup 2006 - he's just nine months old!!! It's crazy and not what I expected but I'm really happy. We found out he was born at the TRC medical center and his birthmother was just 17 years old. But it fills my heart knowing that his story does not begin with him being abandoned somewhere and having people guess at his birthday. He will know forever that his birthmother loved him and did the best thing for him. We found out he's already crawling and likes to chew on his toys. And Andrea says he's "very, very cute".

Which brings me to the pictures: we aren't allowed to see them until the paperwork comes through. The agency thinks it's best to send everything together since we still have not officially accepted him. I know his medical history could reveal something bad or not perfect - but I really don't think I could turn him away. He was chosen for us - meant for us, and I love him already.

I'm so excited about all the news and have gotten over the disappointment of not getting the referral - but a new weird emotion has taken over. A more cautious, questioning emotion. I thought the knowledge of his birthday and some history would make things more real get me in the mindset of things happening, but with the news of no referral came a feeling of unrest. Like I'm in the endless tunnel and every time I think I see the end I realize it's just more tunnel. I know we are approaching the final stages and I know there is an end - I just wish I can more control.

It worked!!!!

Yippy - it worked. I sized it down in Photoshop first - now I can post pictures not only of our new little guy but when we are traveling. And quite frankly - of anything my little heart desires!!! :)

testing

To keep my mind busy I've been spending the day watching (catching up on) Rachael Ray talk shows. I've been pretty bad about watching as I record them and spent several hours with Rachael today. Also, because of having house guests this week I did not complete much cross stitch - so I did some of that as well. Now I'm going to attempt to attach a photo to this blog and see if I can do it and how it looks. In the hopes of being able to post another picture very soon. But until that I'm going to pick a super cute one of my son, Ian (picking a cute one is not hard). Many people on this blog have not seen him for a very long time - or have never seen him. *time lapse* I've decided against one of him looking like a Dragon (halloween) and instead one of him holding his Krathong. Let's see if this works.....

Okay that seemed pretty painless but let's see how it's viewability is. Looked grainy first time - let's try again....

Time goes by

Well, 12 days into November and I'm back to a feeling of total helplessness. Our program director, Andrea, is currently in Thailand visiting on behalf of the agency. Our last contact with her was optimistic with her havin been granted permission to meet our son during her visit with the TRC. She thought this was a great sign because they are usually very protective over the children's identities before they are officially matched with a family. Although our son has been assigned to us - we have yet to see his paperwork and medical history - therefore we have not officially accepted the match. Crazy - like I can imagine saying no at this point!!!!! But I understand their position. Andrea also felt this was a good sign that our referral was completed and they will hopefully be bringing it home with them. It seems so unreal that she could be holding our son in like 24 hours. She will be in the same room - looking at him and talking to him. I'm really trying hard to stay calm and not get my hopes up too high but it's so hard. After watching October come and go, I just feel it's our time for something good to happen - something to move us to the next stage of the process.

We are keeping busy though and trying not to think about things for the week. I've been told we could receive news a few days before Thanksgiving so I'm just going to get through this week. My sister, Donna, and her husband David and daughter, Faren are here for the week - which is totally going to help me from obsessing over this. I'm greatful for their timing and distraction.

This past week has also been a busy Thai culture week for us. On Thursday night, Sam and I went to a Thai cooking class. It was so much fun and we really learned some great recipes - and at least two of which we plan on making soon (and for a party we are attending in December). We are considering having a private lesson with the chef to learn a few more dishes. We also were able to get together with local families who have adopted from Thailand on Saturday night. We got together to celebrate Loy Krathong (www.thaistudents.com/festivals/loykrathong.html). Ian built a traditional Krathong (a float that carries wishes and thanks on the water). And once we download the photos I'm going to try and upload one. I need practice because one I receive a picture of number 2 son I'm going to want to post it for everyone to see!!!!!! Plus Ian is very proud of his Krathong.

I can feel the anxiousness creeping back into my soul - and I hope that things move swiftly and end up going our way.

Last midnight - GONE!

Well, welcome to November. It's been a very hard few weeks for me and I'm not sure it's going to get any better. Since our last update we have heard nothing. Our agency has a feeling the TRC is holding onto our referral until the visit in a few weeks. It makes me sad and very down in the dumps. I really thought we'd have everything by now. It also messes up travel times. I haven't heard anything about the couple ahead of us, so I assume they have yet been invited to travel (they've been waiting 2 months). Not receiving our referral in October pretty much means we won't be traveling until February (unless there is miraculous twist of fate). It breaks my heart. I know the Thais are easy going and not ruled by the time clock, but at the same time you'd think they'd want these children in homes as quickly as possible. Once the match has been made (which is one of the hardest parts for them, I understand) you'd like they'd want things moved along - but I guess culture is culture.

I haven't been myself lately. Not only was I putting all my energy into planning an event that ended up being a disaster but it didn't even help. The time passed by but we are still waiting. I'm distracted and depressed and jealous of people will their babies. After spending time with friends and their 1.5 year old I realized how big 1.5 years old is. That's no baby, and that could be my son - a real little guy who's just waiting for us. The only thing that brings light to my heart is knowing next Halloween Ian will be trick or treating with his brother.