Visitors

Hi there! I've been hooked up with a program that allows me to see what cities are accessing the blog. It's fun to see where I'm getting hits from - and a lot of them I can figure out who's looking (at least make an educated guess) but some.....not so much.

So if you're out there give me a comment and introduce yourself :) I love blogging buddies - the more the merrier. Maybe some of you are adopting from Thailand - or interested - or just curious - any which way I'd love to meet you.

Thanks for reading! :)

Legal

It's official - Jesse is an official legal permanent resident of the USA. He received his green card on Thursday. It's a photo ID and they used the same picture from his Visa, which was taken the day after we took custody of him in Thailand. He looks like a different kid - so young and small. Yup, I guess we are fattening him up :)

I hope we don't have to destroy the card after the adoption is finalized - I think it would be great for his "baby book". Anyone out there know?

What to say....

The past week has been great. I'm not sure where the vibe is coming from exactly because Ian was sick yesterday and I know on Tuesday I was pulling my hair out - but overall there is a good vibe going on. The last few days I have been looking at Jesse with pride and honor. The same way I did when Ian was first born - how lucky I am to be his mother. How lucky I am to have been trusted to raise Jesse and love him. He makes me smile at the weirdest times and it's the warmest smile from the deepest part of me.

One of the main social workers from the TRC is in Seattle this weekend. She's attending the Thai Family Reunion and getting to spend some time with our agency. I was able to send her a personal letter, through our agency, and some pictures of Jesse. I've been wanting to do this for some time - to express the emotions I feel towards the TRC and all they did for him, the love and devotion they showed him....giving him a great foundation during his first year of life. I've also been thinking of writing his birthmother a letter.

When I look into his eyes, they are her eyes...and I can't help but want to reach out to her. But how do I begin to thank this woman, this girl, really, and thank her for being brave and thank her for my son and still be respectful of the pain she must have felt. The love I know she still feels for HER son - can she accept him as mine as well? I want to wrap my arms around her and praise her for having strength beyond anything I can comprehend, and let her know her baby (our baby) is safe and loved and treasured. I want her to know that even though we have never met, and probably never will, I love her on a level I've never loved anyone else - and I don't even really know what that means. She holds a special place in my heart and I will carve a place in Jesse's heart just for her. I just don't know if there are words for the gift she has given us - the joy she has created....the peace she has provided....the puzzle she has completed.

Our wonderful day

Up and down the mounds they go - it was so cute watching Ian help Jesse.



The family standing outside Pearsons (what some might call a student union). We have one just like this with Ian as a baby :)

One month..and a day

Well, we've been home a month - which I can't even believe - and things have continued to go well. I feel my 4 year old will be in therapy soon because I feel all I do is yell at him....but today was actually a good day so now I don't feel obligated to dwell on the struggles. We'll just bask in the glow of a fun outing to visit friends and visions of Ian holding Jesse's hand as they walked up an Indian Mound (a large bump randomly in the grass on my college campus) I will post a picture so everyone can see (when Sam' downloads them). It was Jesse's first visit to Beloit College, which is a right of passage as far as I'm concerned. He will also be enthusiastically introduced to Carnegie Mellon in the Fall - just as Ian was. Ian claims he's never going to college because he doesn't want to leave me - instead he wishes he can just drive a package truck. I told him 1) You'll want to go to college when you understand what it really means, and 2) Driving a package truck is fine, but you will not be living at home while doing it. :)

During all the pre-adoption education people prepare you for those ignorant, rude, or just plain curious strangers who feel the right to ask you anything their little heart desires. I've heard some horror stories about what strangers will actually say to people like: "How much did she cost?", "What if the mother wants her back?", and just things like "My mother knew this women who's daughter adopted and the baby was not right......" blah blah blah. So of course, we were prepared - we were armed with responses.......we have not gotten one comment AT ALL!!!!! I'm a little disappointed because I'd love to talk about Jesse and his heritage and all we went through and survived. I'd love to educate the world on adoption and the wonders it brings to your life....but no one has asked. We were asked once if Jesse is Hispanic - which leads me to believe that many people might think that....which is not weird....which would not lead to empowering conversations about adoption. I guess we'll never know.

I did however have one encounter that has been weighing on my heart, unfortunately this was not by a stranger. Long story short....I made a comment about how I needed some chocolate - being a new mother of two. Kinda joking - mostly not (because everyone know chocolate solves stress and headaches) :) The response I got was "Oh, you're not really a mother of two unless you went through all the rig-a-ma-role" (gesturing to his belly and such). I was stunned...thankfully Sam jumped in and said "I think we went through plenty of rig-a-ma-role".....I still just don't know what to say. I'm Jesse's mother - I'm Ian's mother - I am a mother of two - conversation OVER!!!!!!

Happy note: Jesse received his welcome to the United States letter today from INS. It was fun to see and read the little note of a government form letter.

Sorry this is long - I hadn't posted because I didn't think I had anything to say :) I was wrong.

Picture update

Here are some pictures from the 4th of July celebration (on the 3rd) :) (Thanks Maria for all the great shots from that night) I think they speak volumes about the fun everyone had. Not much to blog about these days. I'm not feeling as overwhelmed as I was a week ago, Jesse is still doing great - although I'm still not sure he knows I'm Mommy and what that all means. He definitely knows I'm safe and a caretaker, which is a positive step. The boys have fun chasing each other around the house and although still possessive over his toys, Ian is getting much better about sharing. Today was Ian's first day of summer camp. He's going to the YMCA for just over a half day, 3 days a week. He cried last night, cried this morning about how he didn't want to leave me. He wanted to stay home with me and Jesse and do what we were doing. I made him a deal - one day of camp, if he hated it he didn't have to go back. Surprise surprise when I picked him up he was already talking about all the stuff they were going to do tomorrow. I knew he'd love it. And he got a gleaming report from his counselors about how good he was and how great he was at sharing (who's kid is that?). I'm very lucky to have such good boys.

This is Ian enjoying the firework - he was so amazed by it all.


Here's Jesse after a loud, bright one went off. I love it - just wish I could have captured the shriek that went along with it. :)

An amazing day

Yesterday was a truly amazing day with a few wonderful instances that I will hold in my heart forever. First, Jesse woke up from his nap and when I went into the room and said hi, he smiled a big toothy grin. For no other reason except he saw me! It was an amazing feeling and the first time this had happened - sure he's smiled before when tickled, or tossed, or when we were being silly and playing...but never just because he saw me. It was great, really great.

The second event was celebrating the 4th of July (a day early) with going to the fireworks. Ever since I was little I marveled in the magic of things...rainbows, stars, fireflies, Pegasus (okay not real but still magical), and fireworks. They always seemed so magical to me and special, I loved going to the riverfront (in the town I lived in when I was little) and setting up the blanket and seeing all my friends and then watching the giant explosion of lights. My favorites are the ones that twinkle and the purple ones (I'm sure no surprise to anyone who knows me)......last night I got to see the magic through the eyes of my boys! Ever since 9/11 I have not been a fan of crowded places, so we have not actually been TO the fireworks for several years. I just couldn't pass up a chance of going with good friends to share in the first 4th celebrations for Jesse and Simon (my friends' son). And technically with Ian because he's never been to a full fireworks show...anyway....the darkness finally came and the show started. Ian was completely taken by it and sat with his mouth open for the first several explosions. He thought it was so cool and smiled ear to ear - he was so excited when he saw a red one or a green one. Jesse wasn't as captivated but he'd watch and toddle around the blanket and watch some more. When a big boom came he'd raise his hands and shriek with glee. At the end of it all, Jesse was sitting on Sam's lap with a huge grin on his face and with no prompting started to clap....he felt the magic. They both did.

It was a great family night out. The perfect way to celebrate the USA and in a way Jesse coming home. My friend took some pictures, which I'll load when I get them. It was just a great day - I've babbled on about but I really never want to forget it.

Some pictures