Change in plans?

Things never seem to go as planned, so I'm not sure why this should be any different. We had our timeline all planned out and that's what we were going to stick with. But the more I write about it, think about it, and plan for it the more I want to get started sooner than later. I wish I could finish all my home renovations in a matter of days rather than weeks and we could win the lottery and just start all the paperwork. I had visions of celebrating my 30th birthday in Thailand (which would be a year from Feb) but I know that is unlikely. I'm just getting very anxious. Sam and I have already started thinking of names.

Other things have changed as well. It turns out my job at Gymboree is not as stable as I had thought. The center that I worked has been closed and my boss is not opening another location in the area anytime soon. She offered me a job during the week at her other location, but it's too far to drive and not fair to expect my mom to watch Ian once a week like that. Especially since mom goes away for the summers. I'll be able to pick up some admin hours but it's not going to pay nearly as much, which puts a damper on things. I used to think I was somewhat talented but I spend many a night drifting off to sleep trying to think of ways to make money for the adoption. I try to think of fast and cost effecient ideas people would buy at craft shows or something I could put together to sell and network. But I keep coming up empty........any ideas out there? I guess my talents are simply not marketable.

Support network

Last Wednesday, Sam and I attended a support group for pre-adoptive families. It's sponsorered by Resolve (the infertility support and education group we belong to). We've been to several different groups offered by Resolve and made some great friends so we were very excited about joining this new group. It's held at the leaders' house the last Wednesday of each month. This month there was a meet-n-greet with one of the first babies adopted into the group. It was so exciting to hear their story and see the new baby. I can't even remember when Ian was that small. Weird, because it's not like it was forver ago or anything.

There were several families there at all different stages in the adoption process. Some people still doing research, people like us who are just starting the paperwork, people in the homestudy process, and actually quite a few families who are in the waiting process. There was a good mix of international and domestic - the international families will be a great resources for us. They are so much farther along in the process than us and with a mixed race family in their future as well it'll be nice to know there are people to talk to about things.

We are still reminded about how lucky we are as being the only people there with a biological child. Sometimes it's hard to sit there and try and convince these people that we are in the same boat as them, but this group has such a different vibe than the others. The infertility support group is usually a sad time, people getting together with another month of disappointments and heartache. People tend to cry and the husbands don't always show up. But at this group - everyone was laughing and excited. There was a hope in the air and an excitement. It was very uplifting and again, I think it'll be so helpful for us. I look forward to the next meeting.

In his ear......

So, Ian thinks Thailand is in his ear. I was checking his ears for earwax one day and said "I can see all the way to China - Oh, no, all the way to Thailand!" I did it a few times because he giggles and now when you ask him where Thailand is he sticks his finger in his ear! Oops. I guess he'll understand better as he gets older.

Timing and Renovations

Here is some more background information. When Sam and I first started talking about really moving forward with this adoption thing we started planning a timeline. It was important to us that our children have around a 2 year age difference. At that time we were not sure which route we would be taking (international or domestic) so figured we should start the process after Ian's 2nd birthday. Figuring it could take at least a year before a baby was placed with us. Well it turns out that although it still might take a year, the children in Thailand are not "babies" when they are available for adoption. Most children are around 10 months at the time of referral (match up between parents and child) and it could take up to 6 months before the Thai government gives approval to travel. A referral does not happen overnight and that in itself could take anywhere from 6-14 months (Sam and I have decided not to request a certain gender, we didn't decide the first time so why should we this time). All of this basically means that the kids should be at least 1 year apart, but probably not much more than that. I'm okay with that though, I don't think it should make a huge difference because it's not the same as having a 1 year old and a newborn. Y'know?

Anyway - waiting the extra couple of months have given us time to do some home renovations. I know the term "homestudy" is not an actually evaluation of your living space, however, there were so many things I felt needed to be done. With the help of my friend Sara and her incredibly generous family we are now nearly done with Phase 1 (the bedroom/hallway project). In one very long Saturday the bedroom and hallway managed to be striped of wallpaper, primed, painted, and have the carpeting removed. We are still working on hanging the pictures and coat hooks back up. But things look great. As a bonus feature, Sara's parents decided to help us out and redo the bathroom as well (a project I was not willing to tackle until long after everything was done). Brain, Sara's stepdad, practically did the entire bathroom project on his own. Now there is only some painting and wallpaper that needs to come down and we have a great bathroom. It's hard to explain the impact this has made if you've never seen the old bathroom. One day I'll figure out how to post pictures and you can see. Next we are doing the living room/dining room and the final phase will be the kitchen. A brand new house in less than two months! It just makes me feel better knowing when we are evaluated our surrounding will actually represent who we are.

Getting Started

This might get inturrupted - so hang in there. I'm still learning and deciding how this blog is going work. How personal should I be knowing that strangers could stumble in here and read everything. But on the other hand, what's the point if I'm not going to get personal, since this is suppose to be a resource for my family and friends.

So our adoption journey actually started in July 2002 - weird huh? That's the first informational meeting Sam and I attended. We were mentally exhausted from all the infertility treatments and were ready to head down a different road. It didn't exactly pan out that way since at the time of the meeting I was pregnant with Ian. Our final infertility cycle ended on July 4, 2002 and I vowed never to put myself, my husband, or my family through my crazy hormonal rollercoaster ride every again. Once was enough, and Ian is the perfect product of that adventure. But I knew there were other options out there and I think they are just as valid and wonderful as pregnancy. Of course many people envy me for even having had one successful pregnancy and I am thankful that I experienced it, but many other factors have now entered the equation. Not only are my infertility issues still around, I am now a Type 2 diabetic and have to take medicine to keep my kidneys functioning at 100%. Another pregnancy is not in the cards for me.

I think deep down I always knew adoption was in my future. I'd cut out pictures of little Asian children knowing that was who would call me Mommy. In the grown-up reality of it all there are a lot more things to worry about than the cute child that will some day be ours, but that's what this blog is going to help me get my head around.

We have attended seminars, read pamphlets, listen to speakers, and made phone calls and we are really ready to get this thing going. We have found two agencies that fit us really well. We feel comfortable with their structures and feel comfortable with the people we've met so far. Why two, you might be asking? Well the actually agency we plan on using for our adoption is in Seattle. We have choosen them for several reasons - the most important on being they sponsor the program we feel holds our future child - Thailand. But since they are out of state we need to have an agency here to conduct our homestudy. The one we found has a great philosophy and offers so many benefits (educational seminars, post-placement support, etc). Now we are really focusing on the money issues. We have some set aside and are researching grants, loans, and donation options.

The next few posts will be on specific items such as money, timing, and some fears I've been having. Those will come shortly.

Thanks for reading.

Welcome

It took me a while before deciding to start this blog. I mean, who cares? Why would people want to read my random thoughts and emotional outpouring. But then I realized, whether someone is reading or not, I need someplace to pour - to vent - to celebrate (when the need arises). So here I begin my blog (I'm not even sure if I'm doing this right). Please don't hold me accountable for grammer, spelling, and typos - afterall, it's been a long time since I've done any formal writing.

Over the next few entries I'll be explaining where we are in the process and how we are proceeding, but for now I just wanted to get started before I changed my mind.

Thanks for reading!